shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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