youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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