my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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