I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
