omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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