That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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