Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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