I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we made out on top of his cat.
i think i have two assholes
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
