I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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