On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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