Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
