WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
