i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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