I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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