Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
