Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
