I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
