he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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