apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
