Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just gift wrapped bread.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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