im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
