Don't you send me to vm
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
