I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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