First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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