i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize