i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
