in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
