I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
