plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
