I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize