Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
