girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
