We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
