there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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