I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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