i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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