I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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