I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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