i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
