well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
