i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We don't watch enough power rangers
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
