It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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