no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
