Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
