someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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