i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
