Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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