ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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