Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
