Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Terrible idea I love it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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