if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You smell like stripper and shame
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
