im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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