The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
