just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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