I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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