We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize