I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
