Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
