I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
