I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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