i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
