I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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