have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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