Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize