Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
