i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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