You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
