she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
