But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
