apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
