i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
