i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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