I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
