I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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