So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize