Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize