I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
