Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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