did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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