ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
