So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
