Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
