She said her name was "party"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
