The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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