I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize