Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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