The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
meet me or not, i'm out of control
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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