I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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