what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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