Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
where does the pee come out of this thing
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
