oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
