i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
