new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
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Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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