I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
