thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize