This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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