I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
