Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
