My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My dick has a subreddit
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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