It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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