i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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