Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
