I can tuck mytits in my pants
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize