i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
