i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
