I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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