Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How does it feel to date your dad?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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