You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I could fuck to npr.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
