I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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